Dillon hates us. That’s the ugly truth around here. In particular, he hates me…with an unrelenting, burning ferocity. He also hates Fiffer and Hayden (usually in that order) and Jason (by association), so we’re all sharing in the experience. It’s a constant cloud of doom and a constant weight in our stomachs, but we’re attacking the problem from several different angles, and we’re trying not to dwell on it too much (a mistake we made with the Prodigal…a mistake that hurt our other kids more than we ever realized). And…because that’s how we roll around here…we’re trying to find the humor when/where we can. This recent conversation (while the two of us were washing dishes) is a case in point…
D: Mom, I have an idea.
D: You know those sheds we see on sale between here and church (typical wooden sheds)?
D: Do you think people could live in those?
M (thinking this was just hypothetical, tiny-house thinking…like my friend Lauren does sometimes): Hmmm…I don’t think they’re wired for electricity, bud.
D (immediately angry): What do you mean?
M (baffled at his change of mood): Umm…I don’t think they’re wired for electricity…like…you couldn’t plug stuff in…or have heating or lights…
D (angrier): But you and Dad could do that, couldn’t you?
M (baffled-er): Do what?
D: Mom! Wire it for electricity!
M (slowly…trying to catch on): Could your dad and I…wire a shed?
M: Dillon, no. (I didn’t mention that our electricity skills end at changing lightbulbs…and possibly fuses.) No, we couldn’t.
D (thinking, still very frustrated): What about the pond?
M (wondering if I’m having a mini-stroke): The pond?
D (impatiently): Yes, Mom. The pond. There’s that plug-in by the pond. Wouldn’t that work?
M: For what, exactly?
D (excitedly, as he thinks): Yeah, yeah! You could plug a space heater into that outlet, couldn’t you?
M: I guess so.
D: Yeah, yeah! And then you could cut a hole in the side of the shed and put the space heater in there!
M: The space heater that’s plugged into the outlet by the pond?
M: Dillon, what are you talking about?
D: Mom! And then I could live there!
D: Yes! You and Dad could buy a shed. And, then, if you can’t wire it, I could just cut a hole in one wall and hook up a space heater. And I could live there. And have freedom to come and go. But I would just be in the backyard. Yes! It’s perfect!
M (still striving for some sanity in all this): Like…when you grow up?
D: Mom! No! Now! I need my own place! I need to get out of here! This is perfect!
M: Dillon, no. You’re not living in a shed in the backyard. Bud, that’s just not going to happen.
D (throwing his dish towel down and yelling): UGH! You are so ridiculous! You never let me do anything! I’m going to take my shower!
Oy. I thought about mentioning that showering would also be an impossibility in his new shed/house, but I didn’t. He took a shower, stomped upstairs to say goodnight, and went to bed to sulk himself to sleep. Just another day in paradise. It’s just a phase, right?! He’ll come out of it one of these days, won’t he?! If not, I might move into a shed in the backyard:)